Would I lie to you? Never. I should know. Joel sends me entries from his dream journal every day, asking me to analyze them. I told him to stop but THE EMAILS JUST KEEP COMING.
So Joel’s finally acquired a job, and I guess he was tired? Really, I don’t read his emails, I just skim them for excuses. He’ll have a post up for you sometime 5-6pm evening-ish. That’s what he tells me, anyways.
-Nathan
JOAL IS NOT HEAR HE SED HE HAD TO FEED THE HOMELESS
NOW IT WOOD SEEM U WULD BE PRITTY RUDE TO GET MAD WHEN HE WAS SAVING THE HOMELESS
ARE U ANTI HOMELESS?
U GERK
I DONT THINK U DESERF A POOP IN BED
but seriously. no poop in bed this week. coupla things came up. we’ll be back next week with a brand new one. sorry about the misspellings and caps lock, i don’t know what happened there. joel will be back next week. he is being a hero and serving the homeless right now. he is a great guy. handsome.
- igor
So the past two weeks Nathan has been sending me emails like: “Hey, we should write up some Poop in Beds in advance!” “Hey, Poop in Bed – got any ideas?” “Is it time to Poop in Bed?”. Surely it was a good idea to do so. However, at every instant, I had something else that required my attention (ie: Paris Hilton’s New BFF on MTV, which I have watched a total of three hours of because my TV remote is broken. She grades these people on their worthiness to be her new “BFF” by sending them on such proving grounds as roller coaster rides and seeing how scared they are on their way down. When she boots someone off the show, she berates them then belligerently says “… TTYL”. It is horrible.) So instead of Poop in Bed this week, due to my lack of attention, I bring you the next few week’s filler comic:
THE ADVENTURES OF GEORGE CLOONEY STARRING GEORGE CLOONEY
err…
I am beginning to regret dropping the ball on Poop in Bed.
Ah geez, but I did spend hours developing plotlines and character family trees and theme song music… So I guess we’ll roll with it.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
George Clooney, F.B.I.
George Clooney, an alien from the planet Morbach, travels to Earth to slay his twin alien brother, Matt Damon. BUT he is recruited into the FBI by the President to stop a terrorist attack (an asteroid is headed towards earth)!!! Also he has X-Ray vision and knows karate.
MATT DAMON
Matt Damon is 31 years old and human. Also he possesses hair and many teeth. He wears shirts, and pants, and shoes, and he has a few pairs of sunglasses. He loves his mother very much. He never forgets to fill out his income tax forms and loves his acting job.
Next issue will be the penetrating social examination of the evils of city life, predominantly it will feature Matt Damon trying to get a meeting with city council to get his street paved because it’s been way too long and there’s like snow everywhere. George Clooney may show up and melt it with his X-ray vision but don’t count on it (hard to draw).
Unless of course I get my game together and get a PiB written with Nathan. If not, next week… thrilling political discourse!
alright much love
Welcome to another blog post.
No poop in bed this week, Nathan is as he mentioned in the midst of a crap week, but we’ll have one for you next week. I’m stoked for next week’s comic! It will be moderately to very hilarious. (And yes I did use “stoked” as a adjective. Am I cool yet, guys?)
So yeah! No comic this week, but I’ll try to keep you entertained! How are you? Do you like sports? Would you like to go out sometime? I’ll call you.
I have a feeling this is going well.
Alright. Moving on.
Last week I posted a quote from a MSN messenger conversation I had with a girl I know. The quote was as follows:
“lol gosh sooooory for not being like the smartest person ever….i am not like elbert stain or whatever that old guys name is that made light”
Pure hilarity, to be sure. But pure unintentional hilarity. I was informed that some of you readers felt that this was surely a joke. No one would make such a mistake. The youth of today are pretty well informed, right?
If you wish to keep your metaphorical rosy glasses from shattering upon your hypothetical optimist face, look away (physically)! Because as follows is an actual conversation I conducted with the very same girl to prove that she is either a master of satirical comedy, or the intellectual equivilent of Carson Daly (I will say that Mr. Daly didn’t really do anything to deserve that jab, he’s just a really easy target).
joel k dryden says: hey
*********** says: hi!
joel k dryden says: how’s it going today?
*********** says: oh not too bad lol
“lol”? was that really necessary?
joel k dryden says: cool. did you work today?
*********** says: yep, 9 to 5.
okay so i realize at this point everything seems pretty normal. i need to get some material.
joel k. dryden says: so. politics. obama or mccain.
*********** says: lol where does that come from? i dont pay much attention to that
joel k. dryden says: how would YOU solve the economic crisis?
*********** says: wut? lol
joel k. dryden says: who do you think lauren should go for on the hills
*********** says: omg brody. haha you watch the hills?
joel k. dryden says: my remote is broken and mtv is the channel its stuck on
don’t judge me
joel k. dryden says: so elbert stain good guy huh
*********** says: these r weird questions
joel k. dryden says: i’ve always appreciated his invention of light
(time lapse of 43 seconds)
joel k. dryden says: did you know stephen hawking made the electron
*********** says: ?? not true
joel k. dryden says: yeah.
not getting good results, i told her to say the next line.
*********** says: omg i can’t know everything!!! im not smrt like that computer voice man who made science LOLOLOLOL
joel k dryden says: thanks
Check back next week for a new Poop in Bed! good bye.
I’m going to get this out of the way right now. And don’t, you know, don’t explode on me like you did the last time, hypothetical blog reader.
No poop in bed this week.
Are you gonna be alright? I haven’t wrecked your Friday, have I? Don’t worry. The weekend’s coming up, and that’ll make it all better. At least until like, Sunday, at like 6PM when you begin to realize that once again you have wasted the weekend and in a matter of hours you’ll be right back at the drudge. Won’t that suck? Boy, I’ll bet you’re depressed.
But anyways. No comic this week, but here’s an actual premise that Nathan once politely declined starring our friend Batboy from weekly world news. A wise decision to not expose this to the public… until now.
Would you believe that it actually took me like an hour to make that? That is actually pretty sad.
Moving on.
I’m as guilty of this as anyone – talking to your dogs? Dog whispering? Dogs don’t understand. Yet somehow everyone feels compelled to ask the same questions. “What do you want?” “Did you make this mess?” “Why would you eat that popurri?” But dogs just give you the same blank stare, they hear the same gibberish from us (I figure what they hear sounds something like a;osdhaskljbdkjuwh oaishdosiuhr aosidjiourh) and then move on in their lives to various other states of walking, eating, lying down, and walking to find another place to lie down. I’m no vet, but all dogs understand are tones!! I say that like no one else has figured it out yet. But if people did realize that, then maybe they wouldn’t always talk to their dogs in various forms of humiliating ways. In fact, I made a graph (says alot about a person’s level of nerd when they break out that nugget. “oh, not convinced about a statistic? Well let me show you this graph I made!”)
Now, I know you may all be saying, “but you haven’t seen my dog! You don’t understand the impulses I get to talk childishly because my dog is so cute!” I am going to stop you there. I have to struggle with this more than anyone. Here is an actual real life picture of my dog.
So don’t tell me the struggles you’re having!!! I’ve been through enough!!!!!
its three thirty am in canada. im out
- joel
