what up – i was driving in my vehicle the other day listening to a new radio station. like most stations they try to recruit listeners by hooking you in to their mailing lists. the new station called their mailing list the “x army”. and my brain performed a little word association…

“x army”

“the army”

“the air force”

“back to the army”

“army”

“army oF DARKNESS”

“ARMY OF DARKNESS OMG”

… yeah, i think with internet abbreviations.

but army of darkness, the third evil dead movie, was something i had forgotten about almost entirely.  i don’t know how – it is through and through one of the greatest movies of all time. just take a look at the poster.

i’ll wait a moment while you go out and pick yourself up a copy.

but i found it for about fifteen dollars last night, and one thing i’ve noticed about this, and the other two evil dead prequels, is that the cashiers at video stores are really really pleased with your choice – they congratulate you. everyone who has seen these three movies loves them, and get very enthusiastic when others’  lives are improved as well.

if you haven’t seen any of the evil deads, basically the first two could be considered horror movies – maybe campy, but horror nonetheless, with a few choice one liners peppered in. when you watch army of darkness, the third movie, you get the sense that everyone involved in the movies collaborated and came to the conclusion of “screw it”, and just went nuts. one liners ad nauseum. crazy camera angles. skeletons making jokes like “put your backbones into it!”.

the plot isn’t important. what is, is bruce campbell kicking monsters in the face. to further impress you, i will proceed to scribe scenes from this work of art.

here is bruce campbell, with a chainsaw for an arm, and a shotgun in the other arm. as you can see here, bruce campbell is able to kill something, or potentially lead a crowd in some kind of chant. acting inspiration for bruce? “think of demons, and how it’s just about time to kick them in their spiritual face”

one of the skeletor villains in the movie. i must note that the movie is increased in quality many fold due to the hilarious primitive stop motion they use to animate the creatures. still, i would take it any day over CGI – this skeleton probably looks better than any modern CGI skeleton. acting inspiration for skeletor? “better bone up my acting, or the director will have a bone to pick with me!” i’m sorry.

here is bruce campbell pointing his shotgun at someone. i can’t remember this scene, but i can almost guarantee it ends in one of the four possible outcomes:

a) turns around, finds a woman to kiss

b) shoots demon/mage/skeleton

c) says “groovy”

d) says “groovy”, shoots/kisses demon/demonwoman

if you’re not sold already, then you’ve probably matured. if not, check it out!

i also think that this formula could have made a lot of terrible recent summer movies a lot better. for example:

transformers 2

in this scene, shia lebeouf and megan “the fox” fox are running away from something, presumably a plot. plug in a random evil dead scene solution, let’s say B), and this scene turns into shia lebeouf turning around a shooting a mage in the face. PROBLEM SOLVED

xmen origins: wolverine

here’s hugh jackman after he exploded a helicopter. as i recall, he pulls off an incredible feat – he flies through the air, cuts through the top of the helicopter, and gets off before it blows up, then walks away from the explosion. but if wolverine had plugged in C) from the generator, he would follow up this look by saying “groovy”. and if the screenwriters wanted to get REALLY creative, plug in D), have hugh jackman say “groovy”, then kiss a demon woman. there previously wouldn’t have been any demon women in the movie – but trust me – no one would have complained.

basically, rent this movie. tell me what you think. if you have seen it already, let’s just hang out.

jkd